I haven’t received the book yet for the summer book study I started, but I already feel inspired and challenged in the way I think about friendship. I’m following along with the Abiding Together podcast in reading Friendship in the Lord, and the foreword alone (which is all I’ve read so far since it’s what’s available as a sample on Amazon) has provided plenty of opportunity for reflection.
In the foreword, Father John Burns writes about intimacy in friendships and how, as many benefits as digital communication has, it can also serve as an “unhelpful crutch” because we can be tempted to form superficial relationships that don’t require much of us. And the immediate gratification of feeling “connected” fools us into believing our need for community is being met.
It reminded me of a couple of years ago when a friend asked if I was going to our 30th high school reunion. My response was something like, “Why would I? I already see everyone on Facebook.” I was convinced at the time that it was just the same as meeting up with classmates in person, which it obviously cannot be. There are rich stories and opportunities for relationship beyond the selfies and the updates of what someone had for dinner or where they went on vacation.
“We are at risk of forgetting our great capacity for relationship and our ability to grow, to mature, and to become better through communion with one another.” -Father John Burns
I’ve been reflecting on what my friendships were like twenty years ago versus today. I’m fortunate to have a wonderful group of people who have been my friends since elementary school. But connecting with them or “seeing” them online is not the same as meeting up with them in person. Intimate knowledge and deep connection only happen when I’m physically with them, and it’s always better. It’s always better because that’s the way God designed us. As I’ve begun down this path of learning how to become detached from technology, I keep encountering the message from the beginning of time, in Genesis, when God sees it’s not good for man to be alone (Genesis 2:18). There is an intimacy between true friends that promotes growth and holiness that cannot be accomplished online but only in the flesh, face-to-face. That’s where we experience knowing and being known, loving and being loved.
We have to be careful. The enemy also knows it’s not good for us to be alone, so he will tempt us with easy, shallow, digitally-based relationships and before we know it, we’ll find ourselves lonely and isolated. I have certainly been there, and I don’t want to go back. So I’m going to start going more. To the reunion or the family gathering. To the lunch, the birthday party, the bingo night. I’m going to make more phone calls instead of sending texts and instant messages.
May we all have friendships that are life-giving and rooted in Christ.
Catholic Unplugged 