My Broken Phone Was a Gift

I haven’t been doing a good job of managing my screen time lately. I finished the digital detox challenge, which went great, but once it was over I slowly fell back into some of the same patterns.

Then last week I got in the car to begin a morning of errands, and my phone didn’t connect to CarPlay like usual. I didn’t think much of it…it does that sometimes. But while I sat in the waiting room of the doctor’s office (number one on the list of errands), I realized I had an SOS message instead of a signal. I rebooted my phone, but after only a few minutes of connectivity I just had the SOS again. So I stuck it in my purse and didn’t worry about it much anymore. I went about my morning, grocery shopped, grabbed a few sleepers for the grandbaby, stopped by the pharmacy, and picked up some peaches, plums, and tomatoes from the local fruit and vegetable stand before heading home.

When I walked in the door and was reconnected to my home wireless, a barrage of text messages and missed phone calls came in all at once. I found myself reading texts and checking to see who called as I was putting things away and trying to get settled back in at home. And it suddenly occurred to me how peaceful running errands had been. I hadn’t felt rushed and stressed out like usual because I wasn’t on my phone while trying to do all the other tasks. I didn’t text anyone between seeing the nurse and the doctor. There was no pulling my cart to the side in the grocery aisle to text someone back and then trying to refocus on what it was I was looking for. I couldn’t message my husband to see what he wanted from the produce stand, and I wondered why I even thought it was something I needed to do. I’ve been married to the man for almost twenty-seven years after all, so I know he wants tomatoes without having to ask.

I often take for granted what a miracle it is to be connected the way we are today. But I also wonder when I started feeling like I have to communicate everything I’m doing. And when did every message start feeling like an emergency, like I have to answer every question or comment right now? Just because we have the ability to constantly send and receive updates doesn’t mean it’s always the best thing to do.

A couple of years ago I stopped taking my phone into church because I found myself tempted to check it, even when I had every good intention of not doing so. And I have to say, leaving the phone in the car while I’m at Mass is the best thing I’ve ever done for my prayer life. Not having it within arm’s length eliminates its ability to distract. Now I’m thinking maybe I should expand the list of places I go without my phone. I can only remember one time in the last twenty-five years of having a cell phone that I received an emergency call while I was out of the house. One time. So maybe I’ll go back to handwritten grocery lists and start leaving my phone in the car there too.

This past week I’ve been thanking God for those few hours with a broken phone. It was enough to remind me that I have a choice. I don’t have to feel scattered and distracted, even in today’s world of constant connection, and I’m looking forward to more peaceful errand days.

Peace be with you,

Why Go to the Event When I Already See Everyone Online?

I haven’t received the book yet for the summer book study I started, but I already feel inspired and challenged in the way I think about friendship. I’m following along with the Abiding Together podcast in reading Friendship in the Lord, and the foreword alone (which is all I’ve read so far since it’s what’s available as a sample on Amazon) has provided plenty of opportunity for reflection.

In the foreword, Father John Burns writes about intimacy in friendships and how, as many benefits as digital communication has, it can also serve as an “unhelpful crutch” because we can be tempted to form superficial relationships that don’t require much of us. And the immediate gratification of feeling “connected” fools us into believing our need for community is being met.

It reminded me of a couple of years ago when a friend asked if I was going to our 30th high school reunion. My response was something like, “Why would I? I already see everyone on Facebook.” I was convinced at the time that it was just the same as meeting up with classmates in person, which it obviously cannot be. There are rich stories and opportunities for relationship beyond the selfies and the updates of what someone had for dinner or where they went on vacation.

“We are at risk of forgetting our great capacity for relationship and our ability to grow, to mature, and to become better through communion with one another.” -Father John Burns

I’ve been reflecting on what my friendships were like twenty years ago versus today. I’m fortunate to have a wonderful group of people who have been my friends since elementary school. But connecting with them or “seeing” them online is not the same as meeting up with them in person. Intimate knowledge and deep connection only happen when I’m physically with them, and it’s always better. It’s always better because that’s the way God designed us. As I’ve begun down this path of learning how to become detached from technology, I keep encountering the message from the beginning of time, in Genesis, when God sees it’s not good for man to be alone (Genesis 2:18). There is an intimacy between true friends that promotes growth and holiness that cannot be accomplished online but only in the flesh, face-to-face. That’s where we experience knowing and being known, loving and being loved.

We have to be careful. The enemy also knows it’s not good for us to be alone, so he will tempt us with easy, shallow, digitally-based relationships and before we know it, we’ll find ourselves lonely and isolated. I have certainly been there, and I don’t want to go back. So I’m going to start going more. To the reunion or the family gathering. To the lunch, the birthday party, the bingo night. I’m going to make more phone calls instead of sending texts and instant messages.

May we all have friendships that are life-giving and rooted in Christ.

I Tried a Digital Sabbath and Here’s How It Went

Let me start by saying my first attempt at a digital sabbath wasn’t 100% tech free. I didn’t prepare by thinking ahead about all the things I use my laptop for, like the folder of recipes stored there that I needed to cook the chili I’d planned to make. I didn’t think about who would be expecting me to answer texts, like my husband with questions from the grocery store. Or my daughter and I coordinating which Mass we were going to.

But it went well overall. I did manage to leave my phone in another room for most of the day, stayed off of social media and games, didn’t check email, and didn’t turn on the TV.

And I did not miss a single thing. When I logged onto Facebook this morning, I saw a slew of Happy Father’s Day posts like the ones I’ve seen every year for the past fifteen years. I opened my email to 142 new messages, 141 of which were junk. And it turns out nothing terrible happened when my Wordle streak was broken.

I didn’t lose anything but enjoyed a sense of calm instead. I stood on the front porch with my seven-month-old grandson and watched him watch the rain and smack the green lilac leaves with his chunky dimpled hands. Not that I haven’t taken him to the front porch before. But it’s different when you don’t have the phone in your pocket or right next to you, always noticing its presence. With no temptation to check on the lives of others or to capture my own to maybe share later, it made for undivided attention on the sweet baby, rapt in new experiences. It was the first time in a long time I felt truly in the present moment, and it was beautiful.

I also read. I napped. I did the Sunday crossword. The one in the real paper, the hard copy.

I realized at some point that I didn’t know exactly what time it was, and when I went into the kitchen to check the clock on the stove, I was surprised at how little time had passed. The day was slower, quieter, restful.

I think I finally experienced some of what the Sabbath is supposed to be…different, a day set apart from the others.  

Are You Addicted but Unaware of It?

The first step of learning how to use tech as a gift from God and for His glory is to break the addiction to it. And at the start of week three I’m thinking about how trying to go without something brings to light how hooked you truly are. It’s easy to deny being addicted or to take it very seriously when you’re in the thick of it.

It reminds me of the first Lent I celebrated after becoming Catholic twelve years ago. I decided one of the things I would give up was complaining. I knew it would be a challenge, but I honestly didn’t foresee the extent of the difficulty. Because I had never consciously tried to keep myself from complaining, I’d never noticed how much I actually was doing it. It was an eye opening and humbling experience. It turned out I complained a lot and it seemed I was constantly having to bite my tongue. Before that Lent, I would never have classified myself as a complainer, but I found out that’s exactly what I was.

Similarly, it’s easy to tell yourself you’re not addicted to social media or whatever apps until you try to go without them. The first time I removed Facebook from my phone, I immediately (like seriously, it had been maybe 30 seconds) opened my phone to get on Facebook. I remember thinking wow, this addiction is really ingrained. Without even thinking about it I was going to scroll because I was waiting in the car for my son, and it had gotten to the point that I couldn’t spend a quiet moment with myself. Every second had to be filled with some kind of busyness, however meaningless. Even waiting in a checkout line at the grocery store was too much “downtime.” I’d pull out the phone and scroll until it was my turn.

It’s been so much nicer lately to connect in some way with the people around me. To smile at the little boy who sat in the cart next to me swinging his legs and kicking his sandals off onto the floor. To notice the woman in front of me buying cannoli shells and end up in a conversation where I feel encouraged to try making something new. It’s ironic when I think about it, the way social media is meant to connect us with others, and it does to a point. But depending on how we use it, it’s also possible to feel terribly alone until we put it away and communicate with people in the real world.

Until next week…

Peace be with you,

Every Moment Is Another Chance

It’s the start of week two in my journey to learn how to use technology as a gift from God to be used for His glory. I haven’t done a perfect job so far, not that it’s even possible or that anyone expected me to…except me. I expected me to.

I’ve been thinking about how often we do that, expect change to come quickly and perfectly and feel discouraged when it doesn’t. Often, we give up and stop making progress because we couldn’t meet a bar we set unreasonably high in the first place. And instead of acknowledging the improvements we’ve made, we focus on where we fell short. Some of the thoughts I had over the past week were Why am I even trying to do this? It’s not working. I’m never going to be able to do it.

I had to catch myself and modify my perspective. Yes, I got distracted on social media and wasted time reading some argument between two people I don’t even know. I spent a bunch of time online looking at clothes I don’t need and didn’t plan to buy. I played games on my phone before bed instead of doing a nighttime prayer. But I took social media off of my phone all together, which has reduced distraction. And I don’t reach for my phone as soon as I open my eyes. I’ve been going without looking at my phone or laptop for the first fifteen minutes of the day for a while now, so this past week I upped it to thirty. I didn’t really expect it to make much of a difference, but I was wrong. My mornings have been much more peaceful without bombarding myself with world news, checking email, or scrolling social media to see what I missed while I was asleep.

It’s only been a week, I’ve made progress, and today I’m remembering that I can’t do this all on my own and God doesn’t want me to. He wants me to rely on Him to make me holy in His time. To persevere, to trust Him, to try again. I’m already seeing lessons He wants to teach me in this journey. Lessons in patience, humility, perseverance, trust.

Every moment is new, another chance to offer myself and anything I do to God.

Until next Monday…have a good week!

Digital Detox, Take 3

At the time I’m writing this, I’m 50 years old, 50 pounds overweight, and I have a to-do list of household tasks, errands, and phone calls to make that I add more to every day than I check off. My triglycerides are through the roof, and I’ve been telling myself for weeks (months, years) that I’m going to start walking the neighborhood daily but have yet to do it. I also have lots of excuses. Like perimenopause is messing with my sleep, so I’m tired and don’t feel like doing what I planned. Or so and so needs me, and there’s just not enough time in the day. Or I finally have some time to myself, and I just want to relax. Or I’m not going to get it completely done today anyway, so why even bother starting?

But a real reason, the one it seems God has been bringing to my attention over and over again, is my internet and social media usage. Somehow I always have time for that. To browse the internet and shop for things I’m not planning to buy yet. To do crossword puzzles. To check my email (the majority of which is junk) countless times a day. To scroll social media until my mood worsens because of the negativity and division that are so often prevalent, or because I’m comparing myself to someone else’s perfect picture, even though I know better.

And for the past several months I’ve been thinking about Paul’s instruction in Colossians 3:17 “whatever you do in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus.” Everything. What a tremendous command from Saint Paul. And I’ve been wondering what my life might look like if I actually obeyed that in even one area? What if, instead of using it to distract myself from life and waste time, I only use the internet in the name of the Lord Jesus? What if I stop allowing myself to be ruled by it and use it as the gift God intends it to be? What does it look like to use the internet for God’s glory and nothing else?

Today I begin a journey to try and find out. I’m not sure what the first step will be. Maybe try the digital detox on Hallow again and actually finish it this time? It would be my third attempt, and I’ve never made it past day eight. I’ve been eyeballing the full course over at Humanality too. Either way, I’ve taken first steps on this journey before, but Take 3 feels different.