Unless this is the first time you’re reading one of my posts, you know I’ve been working on gaining control over my tech use, especially social media and gaming apps. After years of allowing myself to run wild, reigning it in isn’t easy. As soon as I have a moment to be still (which honestly is pretty often since the kids have grown) I am tempted to waste time online. It’s a constant battle. And when I manage to win, I don’t always know what to do with myself.
The other evening, for example, I was pacing around the house, all my planned tasks for the day finished. Normally at that point I would have sat down to browse the internet or play a game, but since I’m trying to change the way I interact with those things, I kept pacing.
On the second or third lap through the house, I walked into my bedroom as I asked the Lord aloud, “What should I do?” At the same time, I noticed the top blanket on our blanket rack was scrunched up to one side, so I picked it up to straighten and smooth it. And there was our Mother Mary’s face.
The blanket was an impulse buy years ago when I saw it on clearance for $4, probably the least expensive blanket in our home. It is also one of the most cherished, providing comfort to my oldest grandson on so many occasions of sleeping over when he wanted to have Mary with him.
I knew immediately the answer to what I should do with myself was to go pray the Rosary. We’re in October, the month of the Rosary, it was the anniversary day of the Miracle of the Sun, and Jesus had just answered my question by showing me the face of his Mother. What else could I need?
So I prayed the Rosary and savored the peace that came from spending time with our Blessed Mother, meditating on the life of the Lord. Isn’t it funny how we can think we’re being deprived of something (i.e. finding out right this second how many likes I got on Facebook) when in reality God is waiting to give us something so much better than we can imagine? I’m not sure how many times he’s going to have to teach me that lesson before I get it.
Since that evening, I’ve been wondering if I would have noticed the suggestion to go pray if I had spent time scrolling or playing a game. He still could have prompted me, of course. God is not limited by our activities. But would my response have been different? Would that nudge from the Lord have become lost in the noise of being online, of all the things vying for my attention? There’s no way to be 100% sure, but I do know that the times I hear him most clearly are in the quiet. Not just the elimination of physical noise, but the noise of distraction that comes from always being “connected,” the noise that steals attention and keeps me away from what is meaningful.
God is not going to yell over the top of it all or force his will. He wants our cooperation, for us to make space for him, to accept all the good he wants to give us. So I’m hanging on to the triumph of that evening, of my acceptance of God’s grace in that moment, to remind myself there is more. This is only the beginning.
The answer to my prayer that night wasn’t for that moment only—it’s for always. I believe the Lord was telling me, “When you aren’t sure what to do with yourself, pray.”
Peace be with you,
P.S. If you see a Mary blanket on clearance, buy it. It will probably come in handy.
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